COMEDY: Quick Dick McDick opines on "Just Stop Oil" 🌻🛢️

Saskatchewan comedian Quick Dick McDick, or as we sometimes call him, the Sage of Tuffnell, offers up some incisive, albeit rather colourful, commentary on the recent happenings from the Just Stop Oil crew. Tune in for his latest diatribe, or check out our transcript.

Please note that viewer discretion is advised for very colourful language. 

Transcript for your reading pleasure

Quick Dick McDick: Warning, sometimes Quick Dick uses profane language in his uploads, and this would be one of those uploads. If that offends you. Maybe go find a video of kiddies playing with puppy dogs.

For the rest of you, let's #@!%*$! go.

Quick Dick McDick coming to you from Saskatchewan here today, with another episode of Tractor Talk, because that's the only place I'm going to be for the rest of the night. You know, I don't have time to go do big, fancy, extravagant videos all the time, but every now and then, we can just hang out in the tractor and have a little talk.

This week, we're going to be talking about Just Stop Oil.

Big Oil heiress funding 'Just Stop Oil' group that threw soup on Van Gogh  painting | Fox News

So over, in the UK these two spoil little 💩💩 crack open a couple of cans of Heinz tomato soup and throw them all over Vincent Van Gogh's sunflowers painting, which apparently is this picture here. If you look at it, I don't know about yous, [but] a whole bunch people in the world think that this is some kind of a magical painting. To me, I've seen better paintings come out of a kindergarten classroom in an elementary school, but that's just me. You do you. Let's move on.

Then, Thelma and Louise here glue their hands to the wall and say they're trying to draw attention to the cost of living crisis because it's associated with the cost of oil crisis and they're with an eco-activist donkey group, Just Stop Oil.

Let me see if I have this right. "Just Stop Oil" is what they want. And the problem with kooks like this — Extinction Rebellion, Greenpeace, the David Suzuki Foundation — is when all of them get together and scream and shout, and beat on their drums loud enough, eventually, they get a tiny little bit of what they want. Oil and gas starts getting vilified. Then companies start divesting in drilling, exploration and production, and domestic supply begins to wane.

Then when the green renewable energy that you've been begging for does not supply a dependable baseload — it does not supply fuel for agriculture, forestry, resource extraction, any of the materials that we need for critical infrastructure and none of the materials that we need to sustain any of our healthcare systems around the world — you then have to start outsourcing your needs for oil and gas to shady characters like Saudi Arabia and Russia.

Then one day, when 💩 really hits the fan, and you have to sanction the &@$%@&#$ that you handed your energy security to on a silver platter, you get to stand in front of the world with your #!@% in your hands when the good old law of supply and demand kicks in, and you find yourself in an energy crisis because, say it with me, you just stopped oil.

Okay, now let's go back to Thelma and Louise's temper tantrum here. Look at their shirt.

Just Stop Oil shirts.

Now, I'd love to check the tag on these things because if it said 50-50 poly-cotton, the irony would be too funny.

But even if you just look at the fact that they were 100% cotton, of how much oil and gas is involved in growing and harvesting that cotton to get them made, to get them put on your privileged little backs, the hypocrisy is astounding. Perhaps you should have worn some old tree leaves to this protest.

Oh, hold on. You know what? I think there's a place that does cotton without the use of a whole bunch of oil and gas. I think it's Xinjiang province in China. I can't remember exactly what the story is there.

Now if you could possibly look past the dip-💩ery of talking about people starving while you throw two perfectly good cans of soup against the painting, what do they do next? They pull out a plastic container of glue.

I don't know if anybody told you girls this or not, but plastic is not made out of cattails.

The look on this guy's face says it all.

And can somebody please tell me why we spend any time whatsoever unsticking these dip💩s from where they put themselves? They put themselves there, just leave them there. It's where they want to be.

Here's another dip💩 that cemented his hands to an asphalt surface.

Why would we waste emergency services' time with a hammer and a chisel with a dip💩 like this? Just leave him there. He put himself there. He doesn't have a %@&%!#& job. He has nowhere to be. Let nature take care of him.

I swear these protesters just get dumber by the day. But really, they're just a bunch of young privileged &@$%@&%#$ that have never had to work a day in their life and probably live in mom and dad's basement and don't have anything better to do.

But, if you really want to see King Dip💩 of Protester Pile, you need look no further than David Suzuki, who just recently in BC went on a cuss fest on an open mic on the government's "inaction on climate change."

David Suzuki goes on rant in Vancouver | CTV News

David Suzuki: "But all this $#%^& about how you're trying to encourage the coming together to this beautiful land... What are we doing about this land? Your government, your government has failed to take climate seriously and to take the action that's needed."

Quick Dick McDick: Now the important thing to note here is after this whole fossil himself just went on this cussing rampage on the federal government's handling of fossil fuel use, how did he depart this news conference?

Reporter: "He left shortly after via seaplane."

Quick Dick McDick: I'm sorry, how?

Reporter: "Via seaplane."

Quick Dick McDick: One more time, for the folks that didn't hear it in the back.

Reporter: "He left shortly after via seaplane."

Quick Dick McDick: A guy bellyaching about everybody's carbon footprint jumps on a %@&%!#& seaplane and flies away. If you really cared about the environment, David, you would have paddled the canoe up to your fancy place on Quadra Island, you %@&%!#& hypocrite.

Is it just Quick Dick, or do David Suzuki and Justin Trudeau seem to have a lot in common?

Anyways, back to these Just Stop Oil kooks. Hey, listen, I'm all for a better world and a clean environment. But until you have some sort of baseload power that's gonna make up for the difference when your renewables are doing this [shows image of solar at 0% of total generation at night-time], and we have something that's going to help us drive these things [points to his tractor] through the field, you're gonna want to think twice before you "just stop oil."

And when we're finally ready to start transitioning away from oil and gas, because we have found a dependable way that we can keep doing all of the things that we do here in Canada, we better &@#% well make sure that we don't rely on places like China to manufacture all of them for us.

Because if we think what's happening with Russia and oil and gas right now won't happen to us with renewable energy, if we depend on places like that, we are just creating a bigger problem than we're trying to solve.

Keep oil coming. Eventually we'll be able to switch to something different. We just can't do it right now. If we try obviously, people go hungry and freeze.

This is Quick Dick McDick signing off, with a little message to Extinction Rebellion, the David Suzuki Foundation, Greta Thunberg, Greenpeace and Just Stop Oil: if you're thinking about stopping oil and you're not rolling, pedaling or walking, maybe you shouldn't stop oil, you should just stop talking.

We'll catch you next time.

This production has been brought to you in part — actually, in full — by Get your sweet Canadian-made merchandise right here.

We'll catch you next time.

Like what Quick Dick has to say? You can follow him on Twitter or YouTube. Or, as the man said, go buy some merch.

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